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Is Robert Schumann crazy if he is in a manic state in four days time composes his delightful
Frühlings-Symphonie? Is Vincent van Gogh disturbed when he with intense colors and vigorous brushstrokes grimly pursues maximum expression? Is a child, who is furious resistance against what it perceives as injustice, sick?
Highs and lows
No matter how much he may be in psychological difficulties, a human being
also has healthy and vital aspects.
Therapists can utilize these aspects.
Instead, they often emphasize the
psychological problems and the inability of their client.
There are characteristics that in the helping professions are often exclusively seen as
negatively, but which can also have their positive sides. People with a fiery temperament, for example, have
usually a life with recurring highs and lows.
They can not only dig themselves into a hole, but also move heaven and earth to
enrich their lives However, therapists provide them
often very quickly of a psychiatric label that draws attention to
the lows and that does not do justice to the
highs. In doing so, they ignore the
healthy side of a nature in which the remedy for the less healthy
side is stored. Here are a few examples.
Vitality
Sonja is a fighter. She is the youngest of five children and is growing up with
little joy in it. Her father is a sensitive and shy man with a
war trauma for which he spent a long time in a psychiatric hospital. There he ends his life. She describes her mother
as loveless and capricious. Sonja, however, is not easily intimidated.
"Even as a toddler, I could burst into tears or throw a tantrum when I didn't feel accepted. If I felt something was unjust, I went on and on until I got my way. So I didn't give up.
Just like that. I just wanted to be recognized."
When her older brothers and sisters leave home, the situation is
sometimes unbearable between Sandra and her mother. But Sandra is not
girl who keeps her mouth shut and conforms.
I hated her and I hated the whole world. It was very intense.
She
was afraid that I would kill her, and conversely, I was afraid that
she would kill me. On a few occasions, she completely
freaked out. Then she was dangerous. Then she would hit me, for example, with the
rod of the vacuum cleaner.
Slap.
slap, slap! But I threw myself
completely into the fight, to the point of exhaustion. I wasn't taking anything anymore.'
As a young adult, Sandra hits rock bottom. She goes into therapy.
During the treatment, she discovers that her temperament is her great strength. That it was her only means of surviving the home situation. And
also that she uses that same vitality to create beautiful things. Thus she plays significant
role in the Clients'
Union for Mental Health Care,
where she is appreciated for her ingenuity. For the bulletin
for the Clients' Union she writes many articles that
form important contributions.
From the heart
Who doesn't know the bust of Beethoven with the fierce head and wild hair,
who adorns many a piano? Beethoven was a hot-tempered person with
enormous mood swings. With his recurring fits of rage
he was a difficult person, not only for himself, but also for
his surroundings. The story goes that he was once desperately working on a composition,
the
Credo of his Missa Solemnis. Because of this he became
so engrossed that he the dinner that his maids
had prepared, forgot. It was not until after midnight that the composer felt hungry and he requested his meal. In
Doctor Faustus, Thomas
Mann (1875–1955) describes
Beethoven's despair as follows:
The deaf man sang, wailed, and stamped while he
bent over the Credo – it was such a terrifyingly gripping sound that it the to the
door listening [maids] made the blood run cold in the veins.
However, just when they had wanted to withdraw in deep reverence,
the door
had suddenly opened, and Beethoven stood by the
doorway, – and his appearance? Terrible! In neglected clothes,
the facial features so distraught that it inspired fear, with lurking eyes, confused and distracted, he had stared at them and
gave the impressio tTo have
been through a life-or-death struggle(…)
When the composer subsequently
found a cold, charred meal on the stove, he burst into an extraordinarily violent rage that
lasted five to six hours, roaring incessantly:
"Could you not watch with me one hour?"
But with what immense
dedication and ingenuity has Beethoven translated his fluctuating moods
into music. For example
in his famous
Ninth Symphony. The contemplative and
comforting third movement has barely faded when we are startled by a devilish dissonance in the brass, accompanied by thunderous
timpani, followed by a fierce argument from cellos and basses.
After this outburst, a lighter passage begins that becomes increasingly exuberant, after which the diabolical dissonance rears its head again.
But Beethoven immediately interrupts himself. At the top of his lungs
a singer exhorts for more joy:
‘O
Freunde, nicht diese Töne! Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen, und
freudenvollere.’And then
the jubilant final chorus follows Schiller's poem
Ode an die Freude met
the well-known All Menschen
werden Brüder where the sparks of joy
fly off.
All that in a time span of less than ten minutes.
And we think it's beautiful!
With his music, Beethoven not only pleases his listeners,
he derived satisfaction from it himself as well, as evidenced by the words he wrote above the manuscript of his
Missa Solemnis: 'From the heart –
that it may go to the heart again.'
When Beethoven presented himself as an unknown contemporary composer with
his rapidly changing, intense moods to the mental
health care, the
therapist might perhaps
have only seen a disorder – perhaps of the type 'borderline' – without even suspecting in what exceptional way
the composer translates his mood swings into music.
After a successful treatment, the symptoms
the client initially sought therapy for have diminished or
disappeared. hThe client is once again able to pick up the threads
of his or her live. Ideally, the therapist has provided tools that
enhance the client's independence, enabling him or her to take
charge of his/herown life - tools that remain of lasting value after
therapy concludes. Life goes on, after all. There
will always be new experiences, new challenges, and new problems
that require a solution. A therapist is not a partner or coach who
guides a client year after year. Instead, therapists can help their
clients develop the therapist within themselves, teaching them to
mobilize their resilience - when necessary- and find their own
solutions to problems. As the renowned psychologist
Carl Rogers (1902–1987), founder of Client-centered Therapy,
formulated it: the client possesses all the necessary resources for
change within themselves, and solutions are within his or her
reach. In this way, therapy serves as a stepping stone to
self-reliance.
Roly-poly toy
Intensive treatment is not always necessary to
achieve independence. When there is no profound or
persistent psychological distress, a gentle push in
the right direction is sometimes enough. A
therapeutic method can be an eye-opener for a
client. An example.
When dealing with
emotional pain, it can be useful to change
course. After all - as scientific research
into positive emotions shows - joy
activates. It broadens one's perspective and
expands the imagination. Healing energy is
released. But this does not mean that
negative emotions should be denied, because
then they will reverberate as a disturbance.
Many people, however, are
inclined to desperately suppress emotions like
sadness, anger and fear. This can block a person's
energy to such an extent that - despite their
attempts at an optimistic outlook - they feel
depressed, agitated or tense. In a brief therapy, a
client can learn that going along with the pain is
sometimes wiser than resisting it. That, by focusing
on the pain for a defined period, its intensity
decreases. That they can subsequently view it with
detachment and calmly investigate its underlying
causes. When clients experience within the safe
context of the therapy room that, after letting go
of their emotions, they always return to their
center like a roly-poly toy, this can be a 'remedy'
for the rest of their lives. In this way, therapy
serves as a prelude to increased independence.
However, a therapist who
relies too little on his or her client's stabilizing
capacity and views every negative emotion as a
psychological problem fails to see the client's
inner strength and keeps him or her dependent longer
than necessary.
When the
time is right
Sometimes a therapist has given his or
her client all the tools necessary for
change, but the client is not yet able
to utilize them. The time must be right
for this. This may not even be the case
until a client no longer sees a way out.
I will take Lucy as an example.
When
she is in her late twenties and renting
a room, Lucy becomes suicidal. She goes
into therapy, but her therapist
disappoints her time and time again.
After two suicide attempts, she ends up
with an independent female therapist by
whom she feels respected and understood.
Lucy talks about her life. About her
bleak childhood, her erratic mother, her
father's depressions, and her longing
for death. Her therapist explains to her
that her current feelings of fear,
sadness and anger can be traced back to
her childhood traumas. They also discuss
whether there is anything left for Lucy
to live for. This is difficult and
painful for both of them. "The outcome
could also have been that there was
nothing left. That she wouldn't see me
at the next appointment," Lucy says.
Ultimately, Lucy feels she cannot
continue. Before making any further
decisions, she writes her therapist a
long farewell letter.
"At
one point while I was writing, there was a breakthrough. My therapist had always
told me that my not wanting to live anymore was also caused by my mother. That I
had heard her say too many times that I was bad. I thought that was such
nonsense! I started writing that down too. Back then I wondered: how does that
work exactly? While writing, I discovered there was some truth to it after all.
That I am actually not that bad. That my death wish stems from anger, hatred and
longing. I realized that I actually did want to live, but that I was afraid of
life. I didn't give myself a chance. Had never given myself a chance. And
suddenly, I no longer wanted to be some kind of Jesus who lets himself be nailed
to the cross and then also says: oh, father, forgive them for they know not what
they do. The fact that I had become this way was due to everything I had been
through. I suddenly saw that then. I had heard it all, what my therapist said,
and I could understandt
with my mind. But I didn't feel it. I really had to feel it myself! While
writing, it sank in for the first time. If all that misery hadn't been there, I
probably would have been a completely different person. A very happy and
spontaneous person. Someone who
did want to live! I had never
really tried... Then I called my therapist and said: I will be at our
appointment."
By now, Lucy has completed her therapy and found her balance. "It is not that I am a very positive person now, that I
have a hallelujah feeling. But now I sometimes feel
really very complete."
When dealing with mental health issues, it is not always necessary to call in a
professional counselor. The following three examples demonstrate that
professional solutions can also be found outside the mental health care sector.
The first example shows how a loving
husband deals with his wife's concentration camp experiences. It
concerns the story of Ronnie. Her caregiver takes the
responsibility for her own life out of Ronnie's hands, thereby
blocking the path to recovery. Ronnie's second
husband, a businessman, however, intuitively helps her in a
professional manner. He uses a technique that corresponds to
exposure therapy, a treatment often used for anxiety disorders.
This method entails the therapist confronting the client
step-by-step with their fear in a safe context, causing the
stimuli that evoke the anxiety to gradually decrease in
intensity.
"Whenever my husband noticed me going quiet or tensing up,
he would ask if something was bothering me. For instance, we
were once driving on a highway with those orange neon
lights. That strange, orange glow that strips away all
colors was something I had first seen in Auschwitz. Because
of it, everything looked ghostly. It was so terrifying! I
panicked, but I couldn't utter a word. My husband pulled
over and asked what was wrong. When I told him what scared
me, he calmly explained that it was just streetlights. He
said: 'Just look around you. That light has nothing to do
with the camp.' Afterwards, we just sat there together until
my fear subsided.
We also once walked into a yard
with freight cars. My husband then said: 'Look, those wagons
are empty. They are only used for transporting materials.
You never have to go inside them again. That is all in the
past. Go ahead and touch them. Nothing will happen.'
Step by step, that is how he taught me to overcome my fears,
because then I was able to reason through them. Whenever I
felt uneasy, I would ask myself why that was. I would then
pay close attention to whether there was anything in my
surroundings that triggered memories of the camp. A specific
object. A sight or sound. A smell, or someone saying
something. Then I would try to examine it. Once I figured
out what was going on, I would tell myself: this is not
threatening. This situation is not directed at me. This has
nothing to do with me. Then the fear would subside. This
way, I gradually became better and better at managing my
fears. I still carry the images of my past in the camp with
me, but I can handle them now."
Self-help book
There are many good self-help books on the market that can make
the path to a professional counselor unnecessary. Below is an
example of a woman who finds lasting support in a self-help
book.
Francine and
her husband Rick's marriage is suffering from tension and arguments.
Rick is regularly unfaithful to Francine, but after his 'adventures'
he always returns to her. That is, until he tells Francine one day
that he is 'on cloud nine'. He has found his 'true love' and wants
to move on with her. Francine is completely devastated. At night she
lies awake worrying; during the day she is tired and depressed. A
self-help book offers her support. Through this book, she is
introduced to a Buddhist attitude that has been incorporated into
contemporary therapeutic practice under the name
mindfulness: an
intense orientation towards the present experience, a non-judgmental
acceptance of, and surrender to, the moment.
"Around
that time, I was reading a book by a Buddhist monk.
A Vietnamese man, I don't remember his name. I happened to
get it from my sister. And it came at exactly the right
moment. That book became my spiritual
anchor. Every day, I read in it about how to handle negative
feelings and thoughts. I reflected on it over and over
again.
It was absolutely not a
theoretical book. I could really apply it in practice. It
contains tips about daily situations. How to deal with all
kinds of emotions. With anger, jealousy, or whatever. How
you can change those feelings in a way that benefits you.
For example, when you are furious, not saying: oh, how
annoying. But asking yourself:
why am I
furious? Actually making a friend out of the anger. Then you
don't suppress it, and you start looking at it in a
completely different way. Then you can gradually accept the
anger. Then you start asking yourself: What is this anger
doing to me? What is it doing to others? How does it serve
me?
It
also contains a breathing technique that calms you down,
which I still use. Two or three times a day for a few
minutes. When inhaling, you say to yourself: I am becoming
calm. When exhaling, you smile. I also often did it in front
of the mirror, and then I would think: oh right, I don't
look completely depressed yet, I can still smile. I found it
very important that I could still evoke something positive
within myself like that.
It also contains
exercises on how to completely clear your mind and be very
focused on what you are doing. To live in the here and now
at that exact moment. Not in the past, not in the future,
but in the now. Right now it is like this, right now I feel
that, right now I need to breathe properly and pause during
this situation. That is the essence of the book.
It was hard work sometimes. A whole spiritual process. Not
just staying stuck in your negative feelings and wallowing.
No! Because besides that, there is also something else.
Without that difficult situation with Rick's girlfriend, I
wouldn't have learned that. I now know: if I have problems,
I can fall back on that, because I've experienced it and
saved it in my system. Then I'll grab that book and I know
exactly how to do it again."
[The Buddhist monk Francine speaks of is very likely Thich Nhat Hanh, a
well-known Vietnamese monk. S.R.]
Peer support group
People can
also find support among others with the same problems in a
so-called
peer support group.
Peers recognize and acknowledge each other's grief, pain, and
despair. That alone can sometimes be a huge relief. This can
involve a group of people one actually meets or a group one
visits online, as there are numerous websites about specific
psychological problems where people can read about the
experiences of others in the same situation and get in touch
with them.
Below is an example of a woman, Helen,
who experiences a great deal of support and joy in her peer
support group. Helen is married and a mother of two daughters.
Her husband, Elco, is an insurance agent and travels a lot.
Helen takes care of the household and raises the children. When
she is in her late forties, she goes through menopause. The
menopause coincides with the children leaving home. Helen does
not suffer from the so-called 'empty nest syndrome'. She
previously struggled with a 'full nest' and is glad the children
have moved out. Now she has more time for herself. The hot
flashes do not bother her either. They only last a few minutes
and then they are gone.
However, she is afraid that Elco no
longer finds her attractive and becomes intensely jealous. That
is her problem. When she is home alone during the day, she
becomes obsessed with the thought that he is cheating on her
with younger female clients. Sometimes she completely loses it
and spies on Elco during his visits to clients. Elco is always
full of understanding, but that offers no solace. She becomes
depressed. Then she reads about a peer support group.
"I once read in a neighborhood
newspaper about a so called Vido group at the community
center; it's a support group for women going through
menopause that meets once a week. Elco said, “Wouldn't that
be something for you, then you'll get to know other women.”
That would allow me to talk to other women who were in the
same situation as I was. Then I started hesitating. One
evening, I plucked up the courage. The first time, I just
sat and listened. The second time, I wanted to become a
member, and then all the women took turns telling why they
had joined the Vido. That they had physical complaints, that
they felt less attractive, that they wanted to meet other
women. And there was one woman who was also very jealous.
Who even followed her husband to work. That sounded very
familiar to me. Then I thought: oh, luckily I'm not the only
one!"
The Vido group offers Helen more
than just recognition. The group also organizes creative
afternoons and gymnastics to keep the body supple during
menopause. And above all, it offers good company. Helen has
made a few good friends there with whom she regularly goes
out and goes on vacation. And finally, because she feels
less dependent on her husband, she is better able to stand
up for herself in her relationship with Elco.
People do not
have to be passive victims of their disposition or circumstances.
They can shape their own lives. Currently, a number of methods - in
fact, centuries-old ones - are in vogue that capitalize on this
possibility.
The Secret is one
such method. In short, it entails the following:
Human beings are the creators of their
own lives. They attract whatever their attention is focused on.
If you want to change your life, you need to change your
thoughts and beliefs. You do this by articulating your wishes
and desires clearly and specifically. Next, you engage all your
mental power and imagine your wishes coming true. You must
desire this with all your heart and soul. In doing so, you try
to experience it as much as possible: by seeing, feeling, and
hearing. You do need to be aware of the things you have already
acquired in order to materialize your wish, while also opening
yourself up to new things in your life so you can recognize to
what extent your wish is being fulfilled.
The
descriptions of how
The Secret
works raise high expectations. However, a quick path to the
fulfillment of their wishes is usually not an option for people
with psychological issues. Processes of change generally involve
trial and error.
People are often only able to turn
their lives around in a positive direction when they find
themselves in an inescapable situation. When they hit a wall.
When they are confronted with a fait accompli that
makes it impossible to continue their old, familiar way of life.
Then, they must accept the situation as it is. If they cannot
shape the circumstances to their will, the only thing left to do
is change their perspective. In this way, they are forced to
face the fear and pain they often tried to escape for a long
time – the starting signal for a new beginning. Then, they can
undergo a process of growth that yields important insights. They
realize that their trials serve a purpose.
It is
possible that they will then discover a coherence they did not
see before. The common thread in their lives. Later, when
looking back on the crisis, they realize that the insights they
gained have made their lives richer and more valuable. It is not
without reason that the Chinese word for crisis –
wei-ji – is
composed of two characters: one for 'danger' and one for
'favorable opportunity'.
Or in the words of Francine, whom I
introducedearliar under the heading Self-help book:
"That difficult situation showed me
that I can function well in problematic situations. That only
then do I truly bring out my strengths. Perhaps I usually use
too little of my energy or potential, as they are not usually
tapped into. I am often introverted, modest, and insecure. But
when I have to, I can develop the opposite. I can show the other
side. And in a crisis, well, you have to become resourceful.
Like: you name it, I'll do it!"
Below, I present a few stories of
people who managed to turn a crisis, a life problem, or a series
of traumatic experiences for the better. People who didn't just
sit there feeling sorry for themselves and discovered that they
possessed more resilience than they thought.
Susan comes from a poor family with six
children. When she is still young, her mother becomes seriously ill.
For this reason, she is regularly sent to relatives or children's
homes for shorter or longer periods of time. She suffers under an
authoritarian upbringing. If she expresses her opinion or stands up
for herself, she is not infrequently beaten. Despite this, Susan
builds a successful career as a classical singer. She has a high
soprano voice with a beautiful brilliance that wins her much praise.
She is proud that she fought for this all on her own, without any
help from her parents, and she enjoys her star status.
Susan notices that seriousness, problems,
and sadness do not go hand in hand with such a high voice. So, she
is 'eternally cheerful'. Until she falls in love with Leon, 'a very
serious, deep-thinking guy'. Leon is not only interested in the
successful singer, the glowing reviews, and the exterior, but also
in what lies behind the glamour. When they go on vacation together,
he asks Susan questions about her background and her childhood. She
has no idea how to handle this.
"I completely tensed up. Became apathetic
due to his unexpected questions. And got sick. A swollen throat.
Stomach pain. A massive migraine. Pound, pound, pound. But we became
so intimate that I couldn't get out of it. I had to lay my cards on
the table. And so, I did start talking about myself. Leon was very
sweet, which made me love him even more. And then a lot of emotions
were released. Sadness and anger. After that, I really wanted to
step out of that glamour image I had created for myself. But I
couldn't just distance myself from it."
Then, the biggest disaster imaginable
in her eyes happens to Susan: due to all the emotions she has
endured, she can now only reach high notes with great
difficulty. When she sings, she has to force herself.
"To sing high, I had to be free of
emotions. But I could no longer muster my usual
cheerfulness. I constantly had to wind up and pump up my
spirits. Only then was I the warbling soprano again. Leon
had a very hard time with that. Because by then, he knew the
other Susan. I started separating the two. With Leon, I was
myself. But when I had a performance, he had to clear out."
'Ramping
up' is becoming more and more of a torment. It exhausts her.
Colleagues advise her to sing in a lower register, but she
refuses. After all, she owes her success to her exceptionally
high voice. It is either singing high or not singing at all.
Since she can no longer hit the high notes, quitting becomes her
only option. She falls into a deep depression that lasts for
years. Leon takes care of her and tries to persuade her to seek
help. Eventually, she goes to an outpatient mental health
organization. However, she experiences little engagement there,
feels misunderstood and unsupported, and goes from the frying
pan into the fire. She just wants to die and prepares to commit
suicide. Leon stops her and urges her to call an independent
therapist known to be competent. She can get an appointment
immediately, but she does have to sign a contract stating that
she will not commit suicide during his therapy. The therapist,
Cliff, applies a method related to
The Secret.
"Cliff asked: "What are your wishes?
What do you want? How do you envision yourself?" I said: Well,
I'd like to be a singer. And maybe I'd also like to have a
child. And, he asked, do you have any more wishes? Yes, I would
like to live in the country. Oh, I thought, what a lot of things
I actually want besides being dead. Cliff said we would manage
to achieve all of that in a year and a half. Provided I didn't
give up. I had to form a very realistic mental picture of what
my future would look like. For example, he said: Pick a date in
the future when you are living in the country. He made me buy
newspapers and exclusive home magazines, and cut out beautiful
country houses. As if I was really planning to buy one of those
houses. That way, my dream image became less unreal."
Cliff teaches Susan numerous other
exercises to shape her life in a way that she desires and
that empowers her. They were a kind of Zen Buddhist
exercises that showed how strong your mind actually is.
"You can concentrate on something
so intensely that your mind gains power over matter.
Negativity can only take over if you allow it to. That is
what I learned from it. This is how I learned to develop my
will. The premise was: with your will and your intention,
you will always succeed."
However, the therapy is no magic
bullet. Suzan isn't given anything for free. She has to face
and surrender to the sorrow, despair, and fear that she had
managed to keep at bay for a long time with her depression.
She doesn't get her high voice back with this. She starts
taking lessons to learn to sing lower as a mezzo-soprano.
After three years, she is truly a mezzo. In the Netherlands,
she is seen as a faded soprano and can't find work. She
first has to prove herself abroad. Eventually, she succeeds
in making a fresh start in the Netherlands as well.
"Meanwhile, I underwent a
true metamorphosis. Because my personality changed
as well. I suddenly felt firmly grounded. As a
soprano, I always walked on my tiptoes, with my
shoulders hunched. I can now be who I am. With my
emotion. Because they are no longer forbidden. I can
even use them to deepen the music and earn a living
with them. That is the greatest gift I could have
received."
In the meantime, she has
two children and lives in a country house.
from here under construction
Time for tea
The following example concerns a crisis that at first glance does not
seems as drastic as Suzan's, but which in fact is of a deep
fear of life bears witness.
The Belgian composer Karel Goeyvaerts (1923–1993) was in the years
fifty of the last century an up-and-coming talent and close friends
with the world-famous German composer Karlheinz Stockhausen
(1928–2007). He is not guided by his feelings when composing.
and lead to moods, but seeks completely controlled and
perfected sounds. He finds them in electronic music,
in sounds that are artificially generated. No musician is coming
more is involved. During performances of his work, only two are present
Speakers on the stage, the epitome of modernity at the time.
Goeyvaerts is obsessed with this perfectly controlled sound world.
But he doesn't get the sounds the way he wants them. He gets stuck in
the stranglehold of perfection and falls into a deep crisis. 'I saw no
'Way out, I just stopped writing,' said the composer. During his
during the crisis he realizes that his need for total control of his voice arises
out of fear, that he would clench his fear with perfection – 'with grim determination
violence' – tries to keep under control. 'And then came the redeeming
Idea: give up everything, start over from scratch.' That is how to escape
he out of his self-created musical prison.
He is going to work as a translator for the Belgian airline.
Sabena. 'All that gave me the unprecedented and pleasant sensation
to be an “ordinary person”.' It doesn't take long before he starts playing again.
composing, now 'purely as a hobby'. Then he receives the artistic
management of a music organization located in a large mansion
in Ghent. The atmosphere, the quiet mood in that old house,
'Where there is time for tea' offers space for a new style of composing.
I then started looking for ways to the human
to allow it to come to the fore. There is an emotional element in that time
'crept into my music,' said Goeyvaerts. 'I think that I'm in at all
'I have awakened to an emotional and intuitive life.' This is followed by another
a long and fruitful life as a composer.
Cement
The last example concerns a man with extremely traumatic
experiences. As a young adult, he emerges from the war completely broken.
back. He uses the severe trials he had to endure as
commitment to shaping his future life in a fruitful manner.
At the outbreak of the Second World War, the seventeen closes -
birthday boy Bill (Sebil) Minco (1922–2006) joined the Geuzen resistance. Together
With a classmate, he makes a spy map of his hometown.
Rotterdam with all the military data he can get his hands on.
Less than a year later, the resistance group is rounded up by betrayal.
The spy map is also discovered. In January 1941, Bill is during
the German lesson was taken out of his classroom and arrested by the Grüne Polizei .
He is being transferred to the Oranjehotel, the Scheveningen
prison, and on March 4 together with a number of other Geuzen
sentenced to death. Due to his young age, Bill escapes
this execution. On March 13, his death sentence is commuted to life imprisonment.
house of correction.
Two months later, he is transferred to a house of correction in
Untermaßfeld, where he spent seventeen months in solitary confinement.
imprisonment – sits. When the penitentiary institutions – as the Nazis satanically called it
called – to be made Judenrein , Bill, who is Jewish, is sent to
deported to the Mauthausen concentration camp where he worked as a forced laborer
has to work in the quarry. After a year and a half of hardship
and in mortal fear, at the end of his tether, he is put on a transport
sent to the Auschwitz concentration camp.
Bill stays alive because, according to the bizarre, contradictory rules,
was not allowed to be murdered by the Nazi bureaucracy. He was a
so-called
Schutzhäftling , a prisoner with protected status.
As a convicted criminal, he had to serve his sentence and was not allowed
he not be gassed. For that would have resulted in a reduction of the sentence.
meant.
After having the hell of Auschwitz and also the death march to Dachau
survived, he was liberated by the Americans on April 30, 1945.
I spoke to Bill in 2004, two years before his death. As an eighty-two-year-old.
he reflects on his life as follows.
My upbringing at home was, I think, limited. My father was
representative
and traveling all week. Had to work hard to get on
to be able to live to a certain standard. Food, drink, vacation, a
own room. That was all perfectly fine. With love. But without
any substance. I had absolutely no interest in learning.
I repeated almost every class at secondary school.
The war has shaped me. In a negative and in a positive sense. I
I can't imagine what I would have become without those experiences.
In those four and a half years, I lived a whole life. A life where
other people never get around to. During that time, I had an incredible
Experienced a lot. Seen people naked, literally and figuratively.
Given what man is capable of. To what depths. And to
which highlights. Those are all building blocks that make my life
have enriched. For even negative experiences can – provided
processes – contribute to the essence of man. Shape man.
In solitary confinement , I – in hindsight – got to know myself.
That was due to the great void in which everything became timeless. I knew
no longer what an hour or a day was. I only saw that the light or
it became dark. Time slipped through my fingers. You keep coming
Ending up back in your own circle! And then you need a strength, greater.
than that of your own “gravity” to get out of there, namely
mental strength! Then you will find new strength amidst the ruins of yourself.
and regain unprecedented values, which in your further life, after your imprisonment,
turn out to be of incredible significance.
A kind of anchor has been that I from the librarian in the
The prison received German literature quite regularly. The first librarian
gave me only Nazi literature. His successor asked what I would like
wanted to have. Then I often got Goethe's Faust . Whole
I memorized pieces. I was young. I had no
spiritual baggage. I think Faust has partially...
Shaped. Made me think. I found it a beautiful language.
Brilliant formulations. Faust is a part of my life.
become.'
When Bill returns from the camps, it takes more than ten years before
he has scrambled back to his feet a bit.
After four and a half years of physical and mental humiliation, you can
Of course not turning the switch on April 30, 1945. I was apart.
beaten. I came back in pieces. There was absolutely nothing left of it
over me. Those pieces had to come together. It had to! Those
I had to summon mental strength. The will to do that! To
life! Or you had to surrender, like so many...
Lying awake... Falling apart...
It sounds strange, but upon my return to the Netherlands, I had
also positive feelings: I am alive, so I must do something with it. None
Faint idea what. But I *have* to do something with it! I don't have it for
survived nothing. It can't have been pointless! I am in favor of something
intended
It took me at least ten years to get those chunks back
to get them somewhat together. To put cement in between. And
I always have to be careful that the cement stays in between. That is the red one.
thread in my life. Because broken pieces remain broken pieces. Those joints
they always stay there.'
Bill's cement includes, among other things, his refusal to hate Germans.
Goethe's
Faust helped him with that. He could not possibly all
Hate Germans. Because then he would have to hate Goethe too. And others
German writers or composers he admires.
Not that I can't hate, mind you. I've always said: if I were an SS member
If I come across someone I recognize, I'll bite his throat off. That is, of course,
Easy to say. I wouldn't do it. But the most important thing is: I
I do not want to hate. For I have experienced firsthand what hatred is for.
brings people. That not hating has indeed been quite a process...
I also can't argue and find it very difficult to tolerate.
if others do that in my presence. I don't know if that is a
is a good quality. Because sometimes arguing can be very refreshing.
be. Sometimes I think afterwards: maybe you should have just enjoyed yourself.
can argue. But I can't. I had that in the war
Haven't experienced this: having a good fight. Fighting is life-threatening.
Bill gets married and has three children. With a few mattresses that an uncle
gives him, he starts a shop. He manages the business through trial and error.
to keep it running more or less. Later, the shop grows into a
large bed store. Bill wants to make a social contribution. He
becomes chairman of the retailers' association of his hometown
Hilversum. In the late 1950s, he was asked to join the municipal council.
He remains there for twenty-five years, first as a councilor, then as an alderman.
In the seventies, he falls into a crisis and turns to
a care worker specializing in war victims. The care worker
focuses primarily on his traumas. He cannot grasp that
Bill wants to turn his war experiences into something for the benefit of society.
Then Bill declines treatment.
In the mid-eighties, he became chairman of the Geuzenverzet Foundation.
1940–1945 who the ideology of the Geuzen on the younger
generation passes on: striving for respect, for equality of
people, towards a more humane world. In that role, he plays a
important role in educating schoolchildren.
Since 1987, the foundation has awarded the Geuzenpenning every year to
someone who has contributed to a more humane world. In 1990
may Bill personally present the medal to Richard von Weizsäcker,
the first post-war German president who pointed out that the genocide
unprecedented against the Jews and that without acknowledgment
no reconciliation with the past is possible.
At that moment – in hindsight – I won the war.
That I could do that! I consider that a highlight! Because it is not difficult.
to make friends with your friends. It is much harder
to make friends with your enemies.
As a businessman, politician, and administrator, Bill constantly tries to resolve disagreements.
To guide interactions between people in the right direction. To build bridges.
I came out of the war in pieces. And they remain pieces.
I think I have spent my whole life making sure that
those chunks no longer fell apart. To put that cement in between
keep. But I don't feel like a victim. On the contrary! Until the ce -
belongs to the way in which I have manifested myself in society.
It is a need for me to keep people together.
For binding other people together, I use, I think
I, the same cement as for joining my own pieces.
That is both a consequence of the war: hold things together!
Because I have seen how it shouldn't be done.'
The skies
That people are capable of turning their adversity into good was also known
Emily Dickinson (1830–1886), one of the greatest American poets.
Here is a stanza from one of her poems:
We never know how high we are
Till we are asked to rise
And then if we are true to plan
Our statures touch the skies
Portrait of Emily Dickinson
by Saar Roelofs
The poetess would know. She suffered from a chronic kidney disease that
caused a lot of pain. For that reason, she was forced to take a back-
to lead a drawn life. Her pain and loneliness have beautiful
poetry produced.
In the novel Van de koele meren des doods , published in 1900 by the
Dutch writer and psychiatrist Frederik van Eeden (1860–1932),
numerous psychological topics are covered that I in the preceding
have described. The novel was written in 1982 by Nouchka van
Brakel filmed
starring Renée Soutendijk.
The story of a woman. How she sought the cool lakes of
'Death, where redemption is, and how she found it.' This is how Van Eeden begins.
The novel about the eventful life of Hedwig Marga de Fontayne.
Although cheerful, open, and spontaneous, Hedwig has been regularly from childhood
prey to depression and feels drawn to death. She
makes two suicide attempts, experiences a psychosis, and ends up as
morphine whore on the streets of Paris. But unlike her literary
fellow sufferers
Madame Bovary (Flaubert, 1857), Anna Karenina (Tolstoy,
1877) and Eline Vere (Couperus, 1889) – as well as Hedwig prisoners
of the narrow-minded Victorian morality – her life does not end with
A self-chosen death, but in peace.
The novel character Hedwig is composed of various women in the
life of Frederik van Eeden, including women whom he as a psychiatrist
had in treatment and Jeanette, a morphine-addicted prostitute who
he had met in Paris. It is written of the cool lakes of death
as a quasi-biography.
After the publication of the novel, people wondered whether there was
of the report of a medical history. In a short preface to
Van Eeden responds to this in the second edition. He vehemently denies it.
that the work 'a psychological study of a more or less pathological
concerns' case, but from a 'beauty emotion for a soul event'
originated. Hedwig is not 'sickly', but is by her
sensitive nature more exposed than others to 'harmful influences'
of society. Van Eeden calls her 'extremely refined and noble'.
equipped'. In our time, we would speak of 'high sensitivity'.*
Thanks to her psychological resilience, Hedwig manages her painful
to turn experiences to the better. That, according to Van Eeden, is 'the beautiful thing'
theme that he wanted to give shape to in his novel.
Van Eeden was far ahead of his time. In my opinion, his views are
still relevant. At the end of the novel, when Hedwig
in a hospital with Sister Paula, a 'sister of love', a number
During the conversations he holds, he gives his view on the therapeutic process.
With that, I would like to conclude Part 3, but first follows a summary of
Hedwig's life prior to those conversations.
__________
*Highly sensitive people have a deep emotional life, a rich imagination, and vivid
dreams.
They are averse to monotony, seek intense experiences and
is sensitive to – even unspoken –
moods of others. Because of this
they have a great need for introspection and peace.
From the cool lakes of death
Hedwig, a charming girl, grows up in the mid-nineteenth
Raised the century as the child of wealthy parents. Constricted from childhood
her the barren dullness of bourgeois existence. Yet she is lively.
and spontaneous. From a very young age, she feels a longing for something that everything
goes beyond. Something that elevates her life and fills her entire being. She
experiences that fulfillment in what she calls her 'heart feeling', moments
in which she intensely experiences her individuality and fully lives the 'now'.
Then she murmurs her name. 'I, I, I – myself, I am Hedwig.' This
Moments hold a special significance for her. She never forgets them.
She holds intimate, deeply felt dialogues with God about this, as
with a dear friend who knows and understands everything. After such a heartfelt feeling
she is cheerful for the rest of the day.
At the family's country retreat, Hedwig intensely enjoys the
nature. Also the holidays, when the grey reception room becomes
transformed into a 'brilliant hall', lift her above the monotony
of everyday life. The glasses of wine she receives and the compelling
Music enraptures her. On such a party evening, she experiences
spontaneous orgasm. This is accompanied by a 'heartfelt feeling' and confuses
her.
The religious education classes at school introduce erotica and sexuality into a
atmosphere of guilt and shame. The forbidden, however, now becomes exciting
and mysterious, and therefore exerts an attraction on
out of her. She gets unbridled erotic fantasies. A housekeeper
who takes over the helm after the death of her mother believes
to have to 'chastise' Hedwig with her sensual nature. When that
When he punches her in the nose in a fit of rage, Hedwig makes her first suicide attempt.
Thus, in the words of Van Eeden, 'the separation' arises.
of the intimacy of the soul and the intimacy of the body'.
At eighteen, she marries the kind-hearted Gerard. Gerard is
just like Hedwig mutilated by the narrow sexual morality of
his time. He is incapable of sexual contact. The daily grind of
Her marriage becomes a horror to Hedwig. She happens to arrive at that time
in the small, impoverished farmhouse of Mrs. Harmsen who just
has given birth to her seventh child. Hedwig, who would like to be a mother,
feels the need to help. She enjoys it and discovers that peace
is something within itself. Gerard realizes that he must give Hedwig a child.
Hedwig 'beared the unbearable'. However, she receives a physical
aversion to her husband, to his caresses and his closeness. She understands
not, because she really loves him. Various doctors are being consulted.
consulted. Hedwig is sent to an institution, where she is by
a young doctor 'is completely rubbed and squeezed', a treatment
who sexually arouses her. Although she is not attracted to the doctor
and realizes that he is acting dishonestly, she finds it pleasant.
Even when she undergoes a course of treatment 'with electricity', the treating physician can
The doctor won't leave her alone. Back home, she resumes her aimless behavior.
life. 'And she came to hate everything she saw and endured.'
Hedwig decides to spend the summer months in a hotel by the sea,
in the hope that the feeling of aversion will subside and she will return to
house and husband will desire. When she in the hotel piano music of
Beethoven, Chopin and Liszt she hears, feels 'something hard melting into
herself, something closed slowly opening up'. Delighted, she thanks the pianist,
Ritsaart, a handsome, sensitive man, a bohemian who his own
goes about their business. Within a few days, the two are head over heels in love.
on each other. When she is back home, the lovers see each other regularly,
among others with Joob, a disabled friend of Ritsaart. With him
Hedwig holds many conversations. According to Joob, she feels unhappy.
because 'she lets herself be served by two maids and everything, really
letting others do everything'. And that leads to 'degeneration, boredom,
weariness of life, lethargy, boredom and the rest'.
In her naivety, Hedwig believes that she her relationship with Ritsaart
can keep it 'pure'. But in the end, she is unfaithful to her husband. Gerard
guesses what is going on and threatens to kill Ritsaart, the trigger
until Hedwig's second suicide attempt. Once she has recovered from this, banishes
Gerard drives her out of his life. Thereupon she leaves with Ritsaart on a
concert tour through England. When they moved into a cottage
taking a trip to the south coast of England, Hedwig becomes pregnant. She comes
to rest, but Ritsaart does not thrive in the quiet and remote place. He
becomes impatient and irritable. They argue regularly. Because of her
Pregnancy causes Hedwig's physical desire for Ritsaart to diminish.
Then they begin to doubt each other's love. Ritsaart, accustomed to a wandering
exist, sometimes leaves Hedwig alone for weeks.
When he has left yet again after an argument, Hedwig gives birth too early.
of a little daughter. The child is so weak that she dies after three weeks.
Hedwig falls into a psychosis. She takes the little body along with her jewelry.
in a bag and leaves. She wants to return to Holland, but is on the way
robbed of her bag and put on a train to Paris by the thief.
There, she is admitted to the hospital in her psychotic state.
La Salpêtrière.*
__________
La Salpêtrière was a famous center in the second half of the nineteenth century.
for research
to, among other things, dissociative disorders, where many famous
doctors were employed or studied
including Pierre Janet and Sigmund Freud.
Because of her agitation, she is locked up in a cell,
by her
attending physician observed with compassion. Day
and night speaks,
she keeps singing and ranting. Until, after six weeks, she 'out
her bewilderment
wakes up'. The doctor inquires about her background,
but Hedwig wants
Letting nothing go. In her anonymity, she feels free.
When she is discharged from the hospital, she has nothing and no one.
The doctor, charmed by Hedwig, decides to keep her in his house for the time being.
take. He also seduces her into sexual contact. 'Not that she him
indeed loved, but she felt grateful and inclined to treat him well
do, and at the same time indifferent about herself, weak and limp, without
resistance, due to the illness just overcome.' When she finally told the doctor
rejects, he looks for a room and a job for her. Hedwig is
afraid of the psychosis returning. For that reason, the doctor gives
her morphine. She becomes addicted to it. Her income is not sufficient.
for her daily doses. Thus, she ends up in prostitution.
Despite everything, her resilience is not broken. Sometimes she is genuinely cheerful.
and cheerful. Surprised, she observes: I am much unhappier than
in the past, one would say, and yet I think less about suicide. But
The addiction takes its toll. She becomes ill. When one day she
If she faints in the street, she is taken to a hospital. There she suffers
severe under the withdrawal symptoms. She lies feverish for days.
to pant and she cannot tolerate food. When she is out of hunger
secretly used morphine from a withheld bottle,
and denies this to the attending physician, the latter calls for help
from 'Sister Paula from the upstairs room'. Because she knows what to do with it.
Sister Paula takes Hedwig's hand and says in a soft voice: 'You are lying.'
And you don't want to lie. What you want, you don't do; what you don't want, you do.
(…) Shall we try it together again now with the last bit?
of your willpower? Only a small remnant is needed. Just think that
you struggle uphill against a fast mountain stream. Just a little bit further… very
small… then the still waters flow.' Full of shame, Hedwig gives her
the bottle. 'That's enough now,' says Sister Paula. 'For now, you have enough.'
'Done. Now you may rest.' In the days that follow, Sister Paula arrives.
Regularly giving Hedwig a little encouragement.
The common thread
After the worst withdrawal symptoms have subsided, seven follow.
conversations with Sister Paula. The conversations can be interpreted as a
short-term psychotherapy. In this, Van Eeden gives his still
Current vision on care provision.
The resilience of the help-seeker
Sister Paula puts Hedwig's life in perspective. She shows her the red
to see a thread in her life. Hedwig returns to Sister Paula's 'silent
waters' and says: 'I have always wanted to die. I longed for those great
rest. I called it: still waters, grassy meadows, cool lakes.' 'Let
'Now look up,' says Sister Paula, 'there is life that is dead, and there is a death that
life is.' Hedwig sought physical death. Sister Paula lets her
see that 'the cool lakes of death' are accessible precisely during life
be. That she can find rest. Satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy of life.
With this, Van Eeden expresses his view that man, despite
heredity or environment is free to choose how he arranges his existence.
In his own words: a person can go through the deepest depths and
yet rise to great inner heights. Thus he has Sister Paula say:
'Your disorders do not touch your deeper self.' And: 'You know that you are
enlightened by your misery. You know, precisely more than you knew.' But Sister
Paula understands that this is difficult for someone who feels miserable to
grasping is as long as he has not yet discovered the 'treasure in suffering'. She
believes, however, in Hedwig's resilience and is convinced that she her
will find treasure – just like the example people from the previous one
chapters
found their treasure.
Like many people with mental health problems, Hedwig also does not have
sought help of her own accord. She is only just capable of a turning point
when she has ended up in an inescapable situation. To Sister Paula says
she that she did not seek help because she shied away from her shortcomings
ashamed. Sister Paula believes that this is in fact 'pride', 'a
aversion to tolerating your flaws'. When Hedwig faces her mistakes
had wanted to see and had been able to accept herself as she was, she would
have given her life a turn sooner, according to Sister Paula.
The neutral empathy of the helper
In the book, Van Eeden shows between the lines that he, as a psychiatrist
advocates an attitude of neutral empathy as I
did in Part 2
described
In the last paragraph of chapter 11,'Difficult' clients ,
I showed
how a contemporary care worker helps his client off heroin use
suspects and tries to extract a confession from her like a police officer
to force. How different is Sister Paula's attitude. Her calm,
Empathetic behavior quickly leads Hedwig to reduce her morphine use.
to admit.
In a passage from Part 2, Pride and Inferiority , came to the
order
that care providers find it difficult to imagine that their clients
possess resilience independent of the assistance. That they possess resilience within the hierarchical
therapeutic setting easily be tempted to
believe that they are 'further' in their psychological development than their
client and their emotional problems have already processed. Sister Paula
does not get caught up in such therapeutic twists and turns. When she notices
that Hedwig idealizes her, for example, she warns: 'It is burdensome
me and it is untrue. (…) My little life is just full of flat, boring,
somber difficulties and worries, equally full of wavering and
weaknesses like those of other people.' And if she ever became wrongly irritable
becomes, she frankly admits that in the next conversation.
Sister Paula lets Hedwig take control of her life, however much she also
is concerned with her. She gives her no advice. Her motto is: act
sincere, but without fear, whatever the consequences may be.
Moreover, she takes careful care to ensure that she the love-hungry
does not bind Hedwig to herself. When Hedwig at the farewell
asks if she may write, Sister Paula protects her from a lasting
dependency: 'I'd rather not. That's enough.'
The 'now'
Hedwig decides to return to Holland and on the farm of
to go and help Mrs. Harmsen. As a newly married woman, she has there
to experience an intense peace for the first time. She leaves at the farm a
build a room with a view of a lake. During the day, she helps with the housework.
and in the fields, in the evening she reads and writes in her diary.
'It had little of an idyllic life,' writes Van Eeden. But
Despite fatigue and gloomy moods, Hedwig is 'wonderfully happy'.
She finds joy in simple, everyday things. With her sensual
By nature she fully enjoys nature, 'the dewy spiderwebs,
the moss plants on the roof, the silent pale mist, the spring greening
and the evening sky over the lake'. The moments when
she fully experiences the 'now', the 'heartfelt feelings' from her childhood,
They no longer take minutes, but hours and sometimes even days. Thus
she experiences increasing peace and joy of life.
Dragons and princesses
People in psychological distress are capable of unsuspected inner strengths
to tap into those that meet all psychiatric and psychological schemas
escape. Of eminent importance is the extent of a person's resilience,
how strong his power of growth, how great his desire to turn the tide.
For, as the writer and poet Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1925) asks
in his Letters to a Young Poet :
How could we forget the old myths that at the cradle
of all peoples stand – the myths about dragons that at the very last
to change into a princess in an instant; perhaps all dragons are
In our lives, there are princesses who are just waiting for us.
For once, beautiful and brave to see.
.
©
Saar Roelofs (2008). Text
and cartoons are protected by Pictoright
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